So I Met a Guy
Totally unsolicited he found me...on facebook...and told me how
impressed he was with my ministry. Flattery at its best. He had seen
me at a local church and asked if he could take me out, after much
thought and rummaging his facebook page, I agreed. We went to see a
movie and I’d say we had a pretty good connection. We talked, laughed,
and laughed more. He was a man of God or at least a man in pursuit of
God and just so happened to be an NFL player. Yes, you read right. I’ve
often inquired if it was a prerequisite to be fine before joining the
NFL. This man furthered my belief.
Weeks passed, our meet ups
became more frequent, a friendship developed and so did my suspicion.
We held hands and hugged, but never did he seem interested in anything
past that. Was I not his type? Was he simply trying to lead me on and
play with my feelings out of sheer boredom? What was the deal?
Kissing Was My 2nd Language
I’ve been kissing since I was 13 years old. My first boyfriend was the
love of my life and I just knew we’d be together forever. Though I was
raised in church and saved at a very young age, I always believed as
long as you didn’t engage in the big S word, you were okay. It was
okay with God that you went all the way to the point of no return unless
you didn’t return. He would be impressed with your ability to walk the tightrope of sexual immorality and not fall miserably to your demise. He
would laugh at your close encounters and stick out His chest when you
barely stumbled out of dark corners or empty car lots. This, of course,
is sarcasm at its best or worst. I never questioned my actions with
guys. They, more often than not, were saved and sanctified just like
me, so they knew everything I knew. They knew all was fair until...well
you know. So far I had been successful. I had reached the ripe age
of 26 and though I had a few close encounters I had managed to remain in
the V-club. I thought highly of myself. I was making God proud! Go Me!
Who Does That?
Back to the story. Did I mention he was an NFL player? Yeah, well he
and I were going strong, as strong as a 3-week relationship could get,
when I decided I would confront him about our lack of physical
intimacy. Yes, it had been a whole 3 weeks and I just knew something
was either wrong with him or wrong with me. I confronted him and he
told me he was definitely attracted to me but wanted to respect me and
get to know me before moving into uncharted territory. HUH!? Who SAYS that?
What sappy documentary was I unwillingly apart of? I didn’t buy it.
Of course I told him that he was sweet and that I respected him for his
stance, but I didn’t buy it. We kissed for the first time that night.
What was wrong with me? Had I
forced him? What did he think of me now? How ironic that a minister of
music would corner a NFL player into kissing. The drive home was long
and dark.
A week later, he invited me
to a game night with another couple who were newly engaged to be
married. They were the cutest couple ever. Definitely in love. We
played Taboo and watched football, naturally, and ate pizza. At some
point the couple mentioned that they did not kiss. Not necessarily that
they had never kissed, but that they had made a commitment to not kiss
until they were married. Their wedding was a little less than a year
away. I was amazed. HUH? Who DOES that? And
where in the heck was the camera man hiding? I was stunned but
dismissed the idea. I couldn’t imagine not kissing until I was
married. Marriage seemed so far away and how cruel would it be to deny
myself of at least the joy of kissing when other things were obviously
off limits. We kissed that night.
Although our kissing never
led to second or third base I still drove home feeling much less
fulfilled than I ever had. What was wrong with me?
The Blog The Opened My Eyes
After our relationship
fizzled I started to really think about my obsession with kissing. Why
did it mean so much? Why didn’t it make me feel better after I had
confronted him? Why didn’t I feel better after he conceded and kissed
me? I let the questions dissolve internally and decided to move
forward. Soon after, I stumbled upon a blog by Heather Lindsey. She is
most known in the social network world for her stance against
premarital sex and pursuing relationships with “randoms” that are
clearly unordained by God. (Check out her blog here www.heatherllindsey.blogspot.com) I read and read and read. When she met her husband they decided from
day 1 not to kiss, or engage in any other sexual acts, before their
wedding day. Again I was amazed. The more I read the more I saw
myself. I saw my insecurity. I saw my need to feel loved and wanted. I
saw my lack of belief that I was worth waiting for. Yes, even for
“just” kissing. I realized that every close encounter I had ever found
myself in started with an “innocent” kiss. It started and continued to
grow until sex was the only thing left to do. Only God had kept me from
resorting to this last and final stage of intimacy.
I needed to learn
discipline. I needed to review the expectations God had for my life and
finally make a decision to adhere to them. I opened my bible and began
to see myself for who I really was; an insecure child that never really knew her true value.
So lost that I would confront a man in pursuit of pleasing God to
believe if he didn’t kiss me that meant he didn’t like me. What
tomfoolery! What deception! God’s plan is for us to exercise physical
restraint and discipline in all areas of our lives, which includes, but
is not limited to, diet, prayer and fasting, and sexual intimacy.
My Last First Kiss
God used Heather Lindsey to open my eyes to what I should have
discovered long ago. I am a royal priesthood, a chosen generation,
called out of darkness into marvelous light to show forth the praises of
God. Who am I to make up my own rules of holiness? Who am I to ignore
God’s desires for me to present my body a living sacrifice? What makes
me think God will bless the mess that I continue to entertain? Why would I want to push the envelope of salvation and risk dying in sin?
I am very slow to coerce others to be convicted about things that
convict me, however I challenge you to ask God how to be more like Him.
I challenge you to search yourself and seek to be healed from all
insecurities and deficiencies. Whether it be sex, kissing, lying,
cheating, or overeating, I challenge you to allow God to make you over
so that you too can be a new creature in Him. Old things, desires,
wants, needs, and hang-ups are passed away; behold all things, your
lifestyle, relationships, and ministry have become new.
I kissed kissing goodbye.
Not until my wedding day, which is unknown at this time, will I
experience it again. And I am assured that it will be more fulfilling
than it ever was. To God be the Glory.
- B. Landi
Supplementary Scriptures:
Romans 12:1-3
